Human beings have a complicated emotional relationships. When you’re in a relationship, then it’s significant to meet each other’s emotional needs. The feeling of being neglected in the relationship is common, and it happens now and then. However, the problem arises when it becomes consistent in the relationship. Today, we’ll discuss emotional neglect in marriage, its meaning, signs, and how to deal with it.
Meaning of Emotional Neglect in Marriage
People usually use the term “emotional neglect” for the parent-child relationship, but it could happen in romantic and matrimonial relationships. Emotional neglect is when a partner fails to respond to the feelings of the other partner, or intentionally avoiding his/her feelings.
Many people complain that their partner is not emotionally available to them in the relationship. When a partner avoids the feelings of the other partner, then it feels like a giant wall in the relationship. In such a situation, you have no idea what to do about it.
If you have lost the emotional connection with your partner, then it would be difficult for you to point out the exact reason why. It has a very deep impact on you in terms of low self-esteem, you don’t matter, and the feeling of being unloved.
Signs of Emotional Neglect in Marriage
When you’re feeling emotional neglect in marriage, then it’s difficult to realize what is happening in the relationship. You only know that something is off in the relationship, some of the signs of emotional neglect in the relationship are as follows;
Single-Handedly Solving Problems
When things become difficult, then you try to figure it out on your own. You avoiding going to your partner for guide and assistance. However, whether the problem is big or small, you are always on your own. You create such a defensive and coping strategy in your mind, and it doesn’t involve consulting with your partner.
Not Taking a Step Forward
When partners are on the same page about their relationship, then they move forward with their relationship in terms of having children, going out on a trip, or planning the future. However, when something is off in the relationship, then one partner would say it’s not the right time without giving any reason why. They don’t want to talk about future planning or touring.
Forgetting Important Dates
If the relationship isn’t a serious emotional type, then the partner won’t acknowledge or pay attention to celebrating or dating together. One partner would forget the anniversary date, birthdays, and meeting dates that are important to the other partner. It’s a very hurtful situation in the relationship when your feelings aren’t important to your partner.
Avoiding your Friends & Family
The neglecting partner won’t make any effort to connect with you emotionally. He/she would avoid those people that are important to you in your life. It’s a clear indication that he/she has no interest in meeting your friends and family. If it gets to the point of meeting them, then they won’t talk to them.
Can’t be yourself with them
You don’t feel relaxed and comfortable in the company of your partner. It’s because both partners don’t real side of each other, and that’s why they don’t their emotions seriously. In such a scenario, the simplest thing to do is to hide your truest feelings.
Not giving you Time
When it comes to spending some quality time with you in order to get to know each other, then they won’t show interest. They would always be busy and don’t have time for you, and their communication keep on getting short and brief.
Suppressing your Feelings
You start to feel and believe that your feelings and emotions are not important and not worthy to be heard. When it starts to happen, then both partners don’t take each other seriously, and they pass petty comments on each other.
When your partner avoids your feelings and emotions, then it would lower your self-esteem. You start to look down on yourself like you’re not worthy of respect, attention, and love.
No Idea what They Want from You
You have absolutely no idea what they want from you and what they expect from you in the relationship. In fact, you don’t even know why you’re in a relationship with them. It makes you feel like a lighthouse in the sea to locate the position of rocks.
When your partner is angry with you, then he/she won’t fight with you in order to let you know that you have done something wrong. The reason partners shout and get angry is because they want the relationship to work. Instead, the neglecting partners would become silent and let you that you have done something wrong.
The Cut you Out when you Talk
When you start sharing your views on a particular thing like future plans, then they would snip you out and leave the room. Whenever you have an argument with your partner, then they would immediately move towards resolving the conflict, instead of having a deep conversation.
You’re on your Own
Even you’re in a relationship, but it makes you feel like you’re on your own and only one person in the relationship. The reason you feel like this is that you don’t have emotional support or the commitment from the partner to make the relationship work. However, you’re sitting with your partner, but you feel lonely.
Not the First Person You Want to Share something
When you’re in a true emotional relationship, then you share everything with your partner whether it’s good or bad. In a neglecting relationship, you don’t feel comfortable sharing such news with your partner. It’s because you won’t receive the right support from them whatever you’re expecting.
Focus is Always on Them
It’s always about them and they always want to be the center of attention. When it comes to celebrating your achievement, then they would be quiet like it’s unimportant. However, they just want you to be their fan.
How to Deal with Emotional Neglect in Marriage
Find the Underlying Cause
After realizing the emotional neglect in the marriage, the first thing you should do is to find the exact cause of it and how and where did it start. You have to analyze your whole relationship from day one and ask difficult questions. Like has it always been like this? Did it develop over time? When the passionate love started fading away, and how the different types of love took their place.
When both partners accepted the lack of love as a part of a new type of love in the relationship and made a peace with it. Sometimes, emotional neglect in the relationship starts when one of the partners becomes so much busy in his life, and forgets the needs and wants of the other partner.
It’s acceptable temporarily when you take your partner for granted while going through the difficult phase of your life. However, it’s not an excuse to emotionally neglect your partner in the marriage over time.
When we go into the details of fixing the emotional neglect in the marriage, then it’s a very complicated thing. Therefore, it’s important to get help from a professional therapist. A good therapist would give space to both partners, so that they share their views, and get their perspective straight.
Take Positive Step
If you want your relationship to work and grow again, then you shouldn’t sit back and wait for your partners to realize their blunders. You should analyze the whole situation, and start working towards rebuilding it. Instead of complaining about things about your partners, your focus should be on fixing the marriage.
Have a Real Talk
Many couples that are going through a neglecting relationship, when you ask them to sit down and have a real talk, then they avoid doing it. If you can’t sit and have a real talk, then it won’t fix anything. Therefore, both partners choose a time and place where they both would be comfortable and happy, then start discussing the problems in the relationship. The tone should be loving, and not accusatory.
No Victim Card
If your partner has avoided your emotional needs and it has caused you a lot of problems, and if you want to make things better, then don’t start with you. When you talk about your hurt feelings, then they would become defensive. You should talk about how both of you could make a difference.
Have Quality Time Together
You should discuss the idea of spending quality time with your partner in order to ignite the spark of an old passion. It could be in the form of romantic dates, accompany mutual friends, or booking a holiday on some island. Think about the things that attracted you in the first place.
Emotional neglect in the marriage or relationship is something that you can’t always fix it. Sometimes, it results in the form of jeopardizing the whole relationship. If you have honestly tried everything you could to save the relationship, but never worked. It means that it’s better than both of the partners should stay apart.
You have to keep in mind one thing in mind problems like emotional neglect in the relationship don’t get better overnight. It requires a lot of time, work, commitment, and patience to make the relationship work. Even doing everything you could, it’s not certain that the relationship would work or not.
Conclusion: Emotional Neglect in Marriage – Signs & How to deal with it
After an in-depth study of emotional neglect in marriage, its common signs, and how to deal with it, we’ve realized that emotional neglect is a severe problem in the relationship. If you realize the abovementioned signs in your relationship building up, then you should the suggestion and be optimistic that things would work out for you.
Ahsan is an accomplished researcher and has a deep insight in worldly life affairs. He goes Live 3 days a week on various social media platforms. Other than research writing, he’s a very interesting person.