It’s highly frustrating and unfulfilling when your husband/wife becomes emotionally unavailable. You have to live in a state of fear constantly and you’d feel left out when your husband/wife shuts you down from getting close. There could be many reasons for emotional unavailability. Today, we’ll discuss emotionally unavailable husband/wife, how to deal with, and what to do if your partner doesn’t change.
Signs of Emotionally Unavailable Husband
If you’re feeling distance in the relationship in terms of an emotionally unavailable husband, here are some signs to check your insecurity and doubts. They’re as follows;
Not Showing Emotions
When it comes to sharing your emotions, men don’t usually open up about their emotions and feelings. But they do it a little whatever they can to their partners. However, whether your husband is highly expressive about his feelings or not. When things are not well, then you would feel an emotional disconnection with him.
Love to do things alone
When your husband is free at home, then he would spend the whole day watching TV or playing video games without talking a single word (a little less as he can) to you. In fact, he would make outings and vacation plans without involving you in them.
Ignoring Deep Conversation
Your husband would talk to you about mundane topics like games, TV shows, movies, celebrities, or anything that doesn’t involve personal emotions and feelings. When you start talking about the kids or future plans like where you want to be, then he would change the topic or leave the conversation.
Words not matching Actions
Your husband may brag about many things when it comes to affirming his words with actions especially about the things that matter to you the most, and then you would experience a lack of support. Whenever you need him the most, then he isn’t available at that time.
At the beginning of the relationship, your husband was paying a lot of attention to you and was greatly physically intimate with you. It was full of emotions and feelings. He would still talk about love and perform all the physical activities, but he won’t show his love with actions.
Unfulfilling Sex Life
Physical intimacy or sex is an important element of a relationship, and it goes both ways. First, your husband is avoiding sex in order to avoid emotional connection. Secondly, he is just performing physical activity without connecting with you emotionally.
Low Empathy & Compassion
What you like/dislike or the things you care about, when your husband is emotionally unavailable, and then he won’t show either empathy or compassion. Whether you’re sick or feeling down, he won’t offer you any support.
No Contribution in Relationship
The relationship is about the collaboration of two people. You’re in the relationship, but it makes you feel like that you’re doing all the efforts. However, whenever he starts the conversation, then the focus is all on him. If there’s something about you, then he won’t show any interest in it.
It doesn’t matter whatever the problem or situation is, he would find a way to put it on you and blame you for it. Your reasons are always unacceptable, and his excuses are justifiable. He would start defending himself if you question him.
Hiding in the Shell
The men that have a lack of confidence issues tend to become emotionally unavailable and distance themselves as soon as they recognize their vulnerabilities. It would come up their inferiority complex, and they go back to the isolation shell hide there.
Reasons for being emotionally Unavailable to your Wife
Some of the reasons that would explain why men emotionally distance themselves from their wives, and they’re as follows;
- It’s rare among men to open up about their emotions and feelings. They can do it, and usually, they do it with their close trusted friends or spouse. It takes them a lot of time to open up and share their true feelings.
- If a long-term relationship has gone through a painful and stressful experience of a breakup, it would cause your husband to become emotionally unavailable until the rebuilding of trust. If a man has had an experience of betrayal and being cheated, then it would require him a lot of time to trust him.
- If a person had an abusive childhood family relationship with one’s parents, then such people develop a defensive mechanism and turn off their emotions.
- Extramarital affairs also cause men to become emotionally unavailable and distance from their
- Tragic events where you have experienced failure
How to Deal with Emotional Unavailable Husband
It’s time to discuss how to deal with an emotionally unavailable husband; some of the techniques are as follows;
Recognize the underlying Problem
Being open and sharing is something that you can’t ask and demand from anyone especially your husband and he would just give it to you. It doesn’t work like that. Make sure that you have given sufficient time to your partner to open up about his life with love, care, and affection. While doing so, you shouldn’t let him take you for granted.
Give it a Time
Being married doesn’t mean that it’s obligatory for your husband to open his life to you. You should give it time and win the trust of your husband so that he knows that he could count on you and he would start sharing it step by step. However, you should confront it as early as possible in the relationship.
If a person doesn’t share his feelings and emotions, then he has his reasons. It’s no flaw in his character and personality. You should avoid judging based on one thing, and push him further away. Perhaps he likes to change because of you.
Sense of Security
It’s probable that your husband has insecurity issues or bad past experiences that you would leave if you get to know him, or he has faced childhood traumatic experiences. You should get your husband in confidence that you would be with him regardless of his emotional availability.
Observe Subtle Responses
Different people have different ways of expressing their emotions and feelings. You have to be keenly observant and pay great attention to your partner’s body language and gestures. If you’re encouraging and appreciating, then it would become easier for him to open up.
Avoid Lecture or Sarcasm
If you have a temper of having a sarcastic tone, lecturing people, and saying mean things now and then. Perhaps your husband doesn’t like and it further pushes him away. Therefore, you should change such a pattern.
It would take a lot of time for your partner to become open and emotionally available. In the meantime, you should put focus on yourself and be independent. It would increase your confidence level and earn the trust and respect of your husband.
If you have no idea and are feeling stressed out, then you could always try out marriage therapy or counseling to fix your emotional distance issue in the relationship. It’s a big step to go to the therapist; you should get your partner on the same page. A professional counselor would offer you a better perspective to see things.
What to do if your husband doesn’t change
Once you have tried everything to fix the relationship and make your emotionally unavailable husband available. But things aren’t working out and your husband isn’t changing his attitude. You want to end the relationship, here’s how you should do it;
When you end the relationship, then it’s the find step and no going back from there. Before doing it, you should make sure that you have done everything possibly you could do to save the relationship. It means self-evaluation of your efforts and weaknesses. You should go ahead with your decision after getting a solid answer.
You should get away from your partner and send him a clear signal that this is what happens if he’s unwilling to change. You won’t allow him to use you for granted any longer.
No More Love Gestures
You should stop all the gestures of love like cooking, cleaning, or performing household chores. Keep in mind that you aren’t his maid. If he is reluctant to change, then he has to do everything by himself.
Tell him it’s over
After separating from your husband, your focus should be on yourself. You should avoid texting, calling, or checking up on him whether he’s doing okay or not. It could be doing it out of habit or familiarity.
To be in a relationship, it’s possible that you have given up on your dreams and career. After getting away from him, you should put all the focus on yourself and start rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence.
If you’ve felt for him, then you would like to keep him around you. It’s not a good idea. If the relationship is over, then you should let him go. It’s going to be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.
Conclusion: Emotionally Unavailable Husband – Signs & How to Deal with it
After an in-depth study of an emotionally unavailable husband, its signs, reasons, how to deal with him, and what to do if things aren’t working, we’ve realized that emotional unavailability is very hurtful in the relationship. If you’re going through the same phase, then follow and practice the abovementioned step to save the relationship. You can reach out to a therapist or consultant at any time.
Ahsan is an accomplished researcher and has a deep insight in worldly life affairs. He goes Live 3 days a week on various social media platforms. Other than research writing, he’s a very interesting person.