How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety – Signs, Causes

Relationship anxiety doesn’t formally fall under the category of disease like depression. It is something that people feel stress and anxiety about in their romantic and family relationships. However, when it happens, then you would feel uncertain, pushy, and clinging towards your partner and the relationship. Today, we’ll discuss what is relationship anxiety, its signs, causes, and how to deal with relationship anxiety.  

Relationship Anxiety is Normal 

It’s perfectly okay and normal to be anxious about your new relationship and the date. In fact, we all feel it now and then in our relationships. However, things become problematic when they prolong over time, then it impacts your work, productivity, relationship, and all areas of your life. 

Signs & How to deal with Relationship Anxiety 

When we talk about relationship anxiety, then you have to be very cautious about the signs. They would help you to be aware of the fact that something is going wrong. After that, you would learn how to deal with relationship anxiety. Anyways, some of the main signs and coping mechanisms of relationship anxiety are as follows; 

Keeping Secrets 

Openness, honesty, and trust are building blocks of establishing any relationship. When you start hiding and keeping things secrets from your partner, family member, or friend, then it would cause stress in the relationship. Therefore, it’s important to be open and honest in the relationship. 

Sexual Anxiety 

When you’re new in the relationship, then getting sexually intimate with your partner, in the beginning, causes stress and anxiety. As you get along with your partner, then it goes away. However, if it doesn’t go even after becoming intimate with your partner, and then you should have an honest conversation with your partner. Make sure that both partners are enjoying equally the intimacy. 

Demand & Controlling 

When there is a mismatched attachment style in the relationship, then it results in the form of controlling your partner or making unreasonable demands. Speaking of controlling behavior, jealousy, and possessiveness; it happens because one of the partners feels insecure about the relationship. Therefore, partners should discuss their attachment issues with their partners. 

Over Accommodating 

When you’re in a relationship, then you have to accommodate your partner. Sometimes, both of the partners have to make compromises for the smooth running of the relationship. Now, you have to make sure that your partner is accommodating your needs and wants in the relationship. It shouldn’t be one way comprised, and you should have a say in it. 

Self Silencing 

One of the main reasons for anxiety in a relationship is when a partner self-silences his/her needs, views, or preferences out of fear because it would cause disagreement. They think in their mind that disagreement means the end of the relationship. However, it doesn’t matter how matched and compatible you’re in the relationship. Difference of opinion happens, and you should openly express your views. 

Checking Partner’s Phone 

When anxiety sneaks into the relationship, then it causes trust issues. Often, partners check their phones and text messages behind their back because of their untrustworthiness. Instead of going through each other’s things, partners should openly discuss things and work things out. 


Clinging and possessiveness in the relationship happen when partners have insecurity issues. The reason partners cling to their partners and record their time out is because they fear that their partner would leave them. In order to decrease tension in the relationship, partners should address the underlying attachment issues. 

Need Reassurance Repetitively 

If your self-esteem is low, then the partner would require constant reassurance from the other partner. It’s because they don’t believe the fact that they deserve the love of their partner. Therefore, resolving the low self-esteem issue is very important in order to remove anxiety in the relationship. 

Missing Good Time 

Partners usually become sad over the fact that they have missed out on all the good times in the relationship. It’s important to remember that healthy relationships usually go through such a phase of life. Therefore, they should remind themselves of the good time they have, and enjoy the current and present good times. 

Over-Thinking Words 

Sometimes partners become stressed out about the little thing about what their partner said or commented. When it comes to it, they hold their partner accountable for those little things. Therefore, you should avoid over-thinking about those things. If there’s something worth concerning about, then you should clarify it with your partner. 

Over Analyzing Actions 

Sometimes partners start over-thinking about the actions of their partner like a message in the voicemail, door slamming, or looking in a certain way. It’s better not to get obsessed with such little things and discuss them with your partner for an explanation. However, if you keep on bringing such actions of your partners, then it would cause more stress and anxiety. 

Break up Thoughts 

It’s unnecessary and illogical to have the thoughts and fear of a breakup when you’re in a healthy relationship. If it’s happening, then it means that one of the partners isn’t happy in the relationship and finishes things up. However, if you don’t have such feelings, then you should trust your partner and believe that your partner would be with you. 

Sabotaging the Relationship 

When people are anxious about the relationship, then they intentionally jeopardize it and look for reasons to end it. One of the main reasons behind it is the self-conviction that things aren’t going to work out. However, if you’re such thoughts, then you should motivate yourself. You should ask yourself; is this insecurity issue, compatibility issue, or feel not satisfied in the relationship. 

Finding Reasons for Breakup 

If partners have anxiety in the relationship, then they would look for reasons to end things up, even if there are none. If you’re having such thoughts, then you should think of the good things in your life and be grateful for them. You should have a positive mindset and believe in the goodness of the relationship. 

Comparing with Others 

When anxiety enters, then partners start contrasting their relationship with others like celebrities’ relationships, friends’ relationship, or their own past relationships. If this is happening, then it becomes nearly impossible to compete with others. Therefore, your focus should be on the current relationship and not making comparisons. 

How to deal with relationship anxiety

Ignoring Goals 

When partners are anxious in the relationship, then it makes them fearful. Such fearful mindset makes them ignore important things like meeting partners’ friends and family members, sharing your feeling, or becoming intimate. However, such steps and mindset hurt your partners’ feelings very badly. Therefore, you should try to meet such goals and objectives that are important for your partner. 

Doubting Incompatibility 

Just after the honeymoon phase, some of the differences and incompatibility would rise up, and it would turn off your mood. It’s important to keep in mind that initial compatibility issues don’t last much longer. 

Waiting for Bad things to Happen 

When partners are anxious in their relationship, then they don’t believe the fact that good things are happening to them. Instead of enjoying the good things in their life, they wait for the bad thing to happen. However, when you look at it, then remember that things don’t go wrong out of anywhere, your actions, views, and behavior cause it. Therefore, you should be mindful of your actions and behavior, don’t dwell on the past, so that it impacts your present relationship. 

Questioning Partners’ Feelings 

If you’re in a committed relationship and your partner is making efforts towards it, then you shouldn’t doubt the feelings of your partner. Therefore, you should trust the feelings of your partner. 

Thinking if you Matter or Not 

If everything is going well in the relationship, and your partner is treating you with love and respect, then you shouldn’t worry about things. If you’re still upset and thinking whether you have any worth and matter in the relationship or not, then it means you have self-esteem issues. Therefore, you should address your self-esteem issues and feel confident in your relationship. 

Causes of Relationship Anxiety 

There could be many causes of relationship anxiety and some of them are as follows; 

  • Parents that are consistently intruding in your personal affairs 
  • The root of attachment style issue goes back to your childhood relationship with your caretaker or parents 
  • Past-traumatic experiences cause self-worth, self-esteem, abuse, and neglect issues 
  • Constant sadness and worrisome that your relationship with finish poorly 

Conclusion: How to deal with Relationship Anxiety

After an in-depth study of how to deal with relationship anxiety, we’ve realized that relationship anxiety happens in every relationship, but it shouldn’t prolong over time. If you’re observing the abovementioned signs in your relationship, then you should find out the root cause of it and try to remove it. If things aren’t getting better, then you should consult a therapist.