Stonewalling in a relationship is when your husband, wife, or partner shuts you out; becomes silent, and builds a stonewall (metaphorically speaking) to avoid any type of deep conversation. It could be sudden or build up over a period of time. It doesn’t matter whatever the reason is, but it is highly stressful and frustrating. Today, we’ll discuss tips on how to deal with stonewalling husband, wife, and partner.
How to Deal with Stonewalling Husband, Wife, and Partner
Some of the main tips on How to Deal with Stonewalling Husband, Wife, and partner are as follows;
Discuss Rough Patches Happen
Conflicts and disagreements occur in the relationship. You should tell your partner that it takes time and effort to establish trust and understanding in the relationship. Shutting out your partner and becoming silent is not acceptable behavior. The relationship is not always rainbows, sunshine, and butterflies; things happen among couples and partners.
A relationship is a Priority, Tell the Partner
While dealing with the stonewalling issue, you should tell your partner that the relationship and being with him or her is the top priority in your mind. Relationships have got two stages; it is either growing or falling. The relationship doesn’t have any meaning or value when couples and partners aren’t talking.
When it comes to replying to the stonewalling behavior, you should recognize this behavior and let your partner know that this is not the way to work things out. Some people follow this passive-aggressive approach to calm down the storm, instead, it aggravates the situation.
In order to make your partner speak when he or she is silent, then you should avoid derogatory remarks, disrespectful comments, or belittling tone. It would aggravate the situation further because such compliments and tone are hurtful.
No Finger Pointing
No one wins when you point fingers and blame each other when conflicts arise. If you have done something wrong, apologize for it and try to understand the point of view of the other partner. You should take some time out, recollect your thoughts, and then have a deep conversation.
Don’t Change Your Partner
You should let your partner know that it is not your intention to change your partner. Instead, your focus is on fixing the problem that is causing problems. Your partner should recognize the fact that silent treatment is not the best way to resolve problems in the relationship.
Focus on Good Traits
While dealing with the stonewall problem, your focus should be on the good traits of your partner, and respect him. It is okay to tell your partner that stonewall would jeopardize the relationship that you have worked so hard to build it.
When you’re dealing with the silent treatment of your partner, then you should keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with being silent for a while. If the silent treatment is taking the form of manipulation and having control over you, then you should tell him or her that you won’t tolerate such behavior. Before ending the relationship, you should try counseling.
Forgive, If Possible
If you’re aware of the fact that your partner finds it difficult to share his or her feelings; you should put some extra effort into such a case. Whether stonewalling is manipulative and controlling or not, you should try to forgive for the peace of your mind.
You should make yourself available to your partner and be with him at the moment. When you don’t give up on him or her, then it would make him realize your level of caring attitude. It is highly advisable if you don’t follow the aggressive approach.
Want to Listen, Tell Him/Her
If you want to end the silence of your partner and break the stonewall, then you should tell your partner that you’re willing to listen when he or she is ready to talk. You should tell him or her, that it is significant to listen to their point of view and their story.
You should tell your partner to schedule a specific time and date, be available on that day and become responsive. If they aren’t scheduling the time and date, then you should set up the meeting and let them know to be there in order t decompress their thoughts.
Respected & Loved
If you want to make your partner responsive and talk on the scheduled time and date, then you should make your partner feel loved and respected. If couples and partners make each other feel loved and respected in the relationship, then stonewalling wouldn’t occur in the relationship.
Cycle of Damage
You should explain the ramifications of silent behavior in the relationship, and how it would destroy the fabric of the relationship. It starts with the silent treatment, staying apart, avoiding, and then finally breaking up.
When your partner finally starts talking, then it is significant to set some boundaries. It would make your partner feel comfortable that how they should speak in moments of conflicts and disagreements.
Don’t Forget About Yourself
While making your partner feel loved and respected, taking care of his or her needs and wants; you should not forget about your own needs and wants. Your happiness and respect are equally important in the relationship. You don’t have to become the people pleaser, in order to save the marriage or relationship.
Keeping Things Vulnerable
Vulnerabilities allow your partner to see your weaker side and your deepest insecurities, and it would encourage them to speak up and share their story. Studies have shown that vulnerabilities and openness make partners share their feelings.
Don’t Blame Yourself
You should avoid projecting it on yourself and look for reasons to blame yourself. If it is happening in your relationship, then there could be various reasons. You deserve to be happy and loved; it is not your fault if your partner is being silent. Even if it is your fault, your partner doesn’t have a right to be silent and shut you out.
Keep Your Words
If you say something, make sure that you would make it happen. If you are taking time apart, then you should recollect your thoughts, come back with contentions, and do it if you say it. It would help you to establish trust in the relationship.
If your partner plans to talk and comes to you to share things, then you should appreciate the effort and courage of your husband or wife. It may be easy for you to share things, but it is not easy for everyone.
You should be silent if your partner is making the effort to talk. Silence in some moments is golden. If you break your silence and say something, then it would make your partner silent forever, and your relationship would definitely end.
Encourage Him to Write
If your partner finds it difficult to speak, then you should encourage him or her to write down their feelings in words. You should tell your partner that you would do the same. After some time, you should sit down and speak up your mind by reading from your notes.
Going through a period of silent treatment can be highly stressful, you should make sure to look after yourself and take care of your own needs. You should take a break, step back, relax, and gather your thoughts in a positive manner. If your partner is not giving you time, then you should take time for self-care.
If stonewalling has taken the shape of manipulation and gaining control over you; it means that it has become emotionally abusive. In such a case, you should walk away from such a situation and get the help of any therapist to rebuild to mental health.
If your efforts aren’t working and your partner is still giving you the silent treatment, then you should take the help of any professional therapist where your partner feels comfortable. The therapeutic approach is the best method to deal with such issues.
Conclusion: How to Deal with Stonewalling Husband, Wife, and Partner
After an in-depth study of how to deal with stonewalling husband, wife, and partner; we have realized that stonewalling could badly disturb your life and relationship. If you’re experiencing silent treatment from your partner, then you should follow and practice the abovementioned tips and suggestions.
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