A study conducted in 2015 showed that closure need impacts the decision-making capability of a person that makes him move forward in life. The meanings of closure are different for different people. It could be because of the guilty feelings for inflicting pain on others in past, after the death of a closed person, memories of childhood traumatic experiences, or after the breakup of a long relationship. Today, we’ll discuss how to get closure and step-by-step guidelines and strategies that would help you to satisfy your closure need.
How to Get Closure – Steps
Let’s discuss how to get closure; it doesn’t matter whatever circumstances and situations you’ve been through in life, following these guidelines would help you to find closure. Some of the main steps on how to get closure are as follows;
Think it through
As I said that people look for closure for many reasons, for instance, you want closure for guilty conscience because you did something, a bad childhood traumatic event, or after the breakup. It doesn’t matter whatever your reason is for finding the closure, you should recognize it and move forward in life.
- You should precisely identify the reason for finding the closure and why you want it. What types of experiences and people are holding you back and why?
- For instance, being bullied in your childhood has impacted your self-esteem and self-confidence level, or you’ve been domestic violence while growing up.
- It’s difficult to find closure after the traumatic experience that has happened to you in the past because you would need the assistance of psychological health professional. You should consult the counselor at the beginning of the process.
Meaning of Closure to You
You should develop a roadmap for the growth and progress that you plan to achieve. After recognizing your feelings about the event that has happened, now what types of feelings you want. You should know what you want and what would help you to know.
- For instance, getting closure means that you should build up your confidence level and your self-esteem after the breakup. You should avoid the thoughts and memories of your former relationship, and put all the focus on yourself. It means stopping answering the memories and thoughts of the childhood traumatic event.
Writing down your feelings is a very good practice to better understand yourself and clarify your feelings about the event and work on the closure. It’s important to mention it here that writing your feelings is a very difficult process in terms of getting closure. You should do under the guidance of a therapist or a trained professional.
- It means writing down the details of your feelings by reflecting on the event or situation of which you want closure. You should write the exact details of the event that has happened whatever you remember, and how the whole situation makes you feel.
Discuss it with Professional
When you don’t have closure, then it disturbs your work and routine life, and that’s why some people are quick towards finding closure. When you’re working on finding the closure, then it would open up a lot of difficult emotions. Therefore, it’s advisable to work with a trained therapist while finding the closure.
- The therapist would help you by using the gestalt or CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques. You should avoid practicing such techniques by yourself.
- If you have suicidal thoughts, losing interest in life, or depression, then you should consult the therapist.
Express your Emotions
Confront the Person
If you want closure with some people, then you should talk to them that how the painful situation impacted you. It won’t be helpful the way you think, but it would help you to move on in your life. If you’re planning to accuse someone or want answers to your questions, then confrontation face-to-face is a better option.
- For instance, if you want to face a person that has bullied you in your childhood, then you should confront him/her.
- When you go out to meet your childhood bully, then ask your trusted friend to accompany you, because you may feel vulnerable and weak after the confrontation
- If face-to-face confrontation is difficult for you, then you should write a letter or make a call
- If the person you want to confront has passed away, then you should write a letter anyway. However, if you want answers, then meet the surviving acquaintances
- Don’t expect an acknowledgment from them, they may not accept your claims or blame you. You should only do it by saying whatever you have to say and leave the rest, regardless of their reaction.
You should forgive those who have hurt you and let go of your resentment and angry feelings. It doesn’t mean accepting the fact that the painful experience was right. You forgive them for the peace of your own mind.
- You should forgive others and yourself for the choices that you have made and they brought pain. For instance, forgiving the person that bullied you and yourself for not having the courage to stand up in your defense.
If you have hurt someone, then apologizing to them is even more painful. The feelings of guilty conscience won’t let you move on in life unless you apologize to them. When you offer your apology, and then don’t expect forgiveness in return.
- When it comes to apologizing, you should simply say “sorry” and accept the fact regretfully that whatever you did was wrong. You should acknowledge their feelings and how it has made them feel, and ask for forgiveness.
- You should write a letter/message/email to the person that you have wronged. If they don’t want to talk about it, then accept their boundary and privacy.
Write a Letter
If apologizing to them face-to-face isn’t possible, and you’re thinking about writing a letter that you don’t want to send. The reason for writing a letter is because you want to get it out of mind and say whatever you have to say, and then finish it.
- For instance, you’re writing a letter to your parents that how they have abused you and your siblings while growing.
- You should keep in mind that you don’t have to send this letter to anyone. It is only for sharing your feelings, and then burning down and scrapping the letter.
Focus on Positive
When you focus on the positive side and avoid the negative feelings, then it would make you feel good. For instance, you would be feeling happy and courageous rather than thinking about the bully. You don’t have the guilty conscience of protecting yourself or others, and you can love yourself. Your focus should be on the positive result of finding the closure.
- For instance, you should tell yourself repetitively that things happened for a reason, and they’ve made you a stronger person.
You can feel happy and optimistic by practicing gratitude in your life, and gratitude has a great impact on your mental and physical health. It’s also a very important element of the closure process.
- You should create a list of five things that you’re grateful for in yourself, and put it down on the sticky notes.
- Write it down on the paper that why you’re happy for the good experiences you had in your life. For instance, being bullied has hurt you, but they’ve made you a kind and compassionate human being. You couldn’t help out your brother or siblings, but it has developed a closer relationship with them.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciling or rebuilding the relation, because you can’t rebuild some relationships. If you’re going to reconcile, then do it slowly. You should be honest about your feelings and acknowledge your experiences.
- You should meet on a certain date, perform some activities together, and take the space in between, rather than expecting the in-depth intimacy at once. The slow process allows you to reflect on your experiences.
- For instance, you should have dinner or lunch with your ex-partner and then meet in the company of friends after a few days. You should do it slowly until the re-establishment of the trust again.
Cutting Ties if Needed
Whether it’s a short or long-term traumatic paint experience, you can make affirm official decision to get rid of a person from your life. You have the right to cut off ties with the abuser, it doesn’t matter who it is.
- It’s difficult to end ties with a person that is a part of your family
- Once you’ve made a decision, then tell others and ask them to respect your decision. You don’t need to know the update about the life of someone that you have cut off ties with.
- You don’t need to share the details of your life with anyone that doesn’t respect your boundaries.
Finding closure after the painful experience isn’t easy, and it takes a lot of time. You should be patient during the process. If you’re making any progress in getting the closure, then keep on celebrating it on the way.
- You should experience your emotions and feelings rather than avoiding it alcohol. Drinking numbs your feelings temporarily, but it won’t help you to have closure.
Conclusion: How to Get Closure – Complete Guide
After an in-depth study of how to get closure; we’ve realized that finding closure is a process and requires a lot of patience and commitment. If you’re working on finding it, then follow and practice the abovementioned guidelines.
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