We hear phrases like “you’re so charming and pretty, why can’t you find love” from friends and loved ones. It usually happens either when you’re in a relationship with the wrong person for years, or you aren’t in a relationship at all. Today, we’ll discuss some of the main reasons why can’t I find love.
Secrete to Find Love
Before deciding that there’s no one for you after going through a lot of bad experiences of relationships; I think the better way to say it is that you haven’t met the right person. You’re out of patience because you’ve wasted a plethora of time and energy on the wrong men and women.
Such feelings are completely understandable. You’ll meet the right person that you’re looking for, and you’ll spend your life with. You have to believe that he/she would enter into your life sooner than expected.
Reasons why can’t I Find Love
You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself if you haven’t met the right person yet. It’s because there’s no simple and specific formula to it in life. Things happen in life, and sometimes events occur for our own learning, so that when we meet the right person, then we know its value. Here are some of the main reasons why can’t I find love as follows;
Don’t Know How to make others follow you
It’s easier for some people to flirt and attract the attention of potential men and women. Some people are shy, and flirting seems awkward to them. Therefore, it’s important to keep in mind that not every man/woman has sexy flirting confidence. It’s a learned thing, and you have to put some effort into learning and practicing it.
Dating the Same Type of People
You should have a look at your dating history that what type of people you have dating. What common traits (hobbies, music, looks, profession, etc) do they all have. For instance, you become attracted towards lonely and dejected people for any reason, and your partner ends up being emotionally unavailable. If you’re going to date the same type of person again, then it won’t be different this time.
The goal of analyzing your dating history is to recognize your mistakes, and break the pattern and open your horizon towards new things. You should meet and date different types of what you’re looking for.
Focus on what you Don’t Want
After having a bad dating experience, you make up your mind about the things that you don’t want. For instance, she/he shouldn’t have children, not live with his parents, and doesn’t have a cheating record. When you put extra focus on the things that you don’t want, you forget the things that you actually want in a partner.
As the law of attraction says that you attract whatever you think about. For instance, if you focus on and think about negative things, then you would attract negative people. Instead of focusing on what you don’t want, your focus should be on what you do want.
Don’t Know what you want
Sometimes you have an attraction for nice stable divorced men who probably have kids, and the other time firefighter, delivery men, or a foreigner flirting with you in the other language attracts your attention. The truth of the matter is that you don’t know what you actually want and looking for in life. That’s why your relationships don’t last long because you don’t know what type of man or woman you want to be with.
You should visualize your ideal partner and start putting the details in your partner. For instance, how he/she looks, tall, age, profession, education level, interests, hobbies, talking style, and how you want to be loved. After creating a list of traits, this is the type of person you actually want.
The more you meet different types of people, you would know what qualities are significant to you. What things you can compromise on, and what things are unacceptable to you.
Scared of Getting Hurt
You have a terrible relationship experience with men or women. It has made you reserve and not to date again. At the same, you also want to fall in love again with your ideal partner (man/woman) and build a long-term relationship.
Such feelings are understandable, but you should keep in mind that you can’t have both. Falling in love hurt sometimes, but if you’re with the right person, then it doesn’t hurt the way you have been. You should keep in mind that opening your heart, feelings, and making you vulnerable to the right person is a process, and it takes time.
Not Making yourself Available
If you aren’t getting ready in order to go out and meet different people like sitting at home and staring at the phone, then you aren’t doing any effort. In order to make yourself available, you have to dress up, shave, put on some make-up, and attend single events. That’s how you can put yourself out there.
You should ask your friends and relatives to look for any single man/woman in their social circle that they can introduce you to. You can also try dating applications and platforms to search for a potential partner.
Some men/women are overly picky when it comes to choosing their partner, and they reject perfect men/women for nonsensical reasons. If you’re the same type of person, then you’re hammering the nail on your own feet.
I understand we’re living in the world of social media, and looks and attractiveness matter in this era. So does their background, dating record, attitude, and behavior. Therefore, you should make a decision by keeping in mind various factors.
If you ask me you shouldn’t judge a person based on their interests and hobbies like a person could like solo, jazz, or heavy metal music. The thing that matters most is values, both partners should have similar social/ethical/moral values.
Here’s my little humble suggestion. Next time if you get an opportunity to go out with a man or woman, and then go out anyway. Don’t make up your mind in the beginning whether the person is suitable for you, or not. You should go out, spend a few hours, and see how things go.
Want a Partner to Make you Happy
If you’re thinking that once you meet your ideal man/woman, and then you’ll be happy. This perception is completely wrong my friend and you’ll never be happy. You should remember the simple formula that only you can make yourself happy, and no one can.
The only thing constant in your life is you, people would come and go, and you won’t see them again. If you’re relying on the next man/woman to make you happy, then it would never happen. You should learn to make yourself happy regardless of the circumstances. Once you’re happy and joyous, then you would attract the same type of people towards you.
You Need Inner Work
Before jumping into any relationship, you should do some inner work. What things are your strengths and what things that your partner found it irritating in your previous relationship? For instance, you realize that you’ve anger management issues in the inner work. You should work on your anger before getting into the relationship, it would help you to have limited arguments with your next partner.
It’s important to keep in mind that the process of inner work is never complete. We always have things to learn and make the best version of ourselves. The reason you can’t find love is that you have unfinished inner work. You’ll be the best partner in the next relationship after doing the inner work.
Focus on Other Areas of Life
If you think that you’re ready for love and a relationship, then ask yourself whether the relationship is the top priority in your mind or not. For instance, if you’re working on your business and your focus is on taking the business to the next level. You have kids, and your priority is to raise them and offer them a better life. Your friends are going through difficult times, and you’re helping them to get through the difficult phase in life.
Some of the abovementioned examples would help you to know the attention of your mind and your priorities in life. You should be honest and true to yourself. If your attention and focus are on different things, then you don’t have time and energy for the relationship.
Don’t want to be in Relationship
You want to be in relations and go out with a beautiful man or woman, but the social and professional life that you love deeply is interfering. You should ask yourself what you’re willing to do in order to be in the relationship.
Some people think that they should have a boyfriend or girlfriend, while they’re perfectly happy with their single life and not willing to give up on it. In that case, you should enjoy your life, be happy, and don’t put extra pressure on yourself. You’ll meet the right person without even finding or worrying about it.
Not Healed from the Previous Experience
Your heart is broken from the previous relationship, and you’re still healing from it. If you’ve been through years of relationship, then it requires a lot of time to heal yourself. You can’t be ready in a few days, especially after an abusive, lying, or cheating relationship.
If you’ve stress, frustration, and anxiety from the previous relationship, then you’re still grieving and processing your thoughts. You should give yourself time sufficient time in order to fully heal, and then get back into the new relationship.
Conclusion: Why Can’t I Find Love – Reasons
After an in-depth study of why can’t I find love and reasons why we’ve realized that finding love is more of an inner work than an external finding it. If you find any of the abovementioned reasons in you, then you should work on them before getting into the new relationship.
Ahsan is an accomplished researcher and has a deep insight in worldly life affairs. He goes Live 3 days a week on various social media platforms. Other than research writing, he’s a very interesting person.